artificial intelligence

Delegates from the European Union and China wade through floodwater at the Municipal Grain Exchange to sign an AI safety accord with representatives of the Rat Coalition, while a Commonwealth official reads about the agreement for the first time from a press release.

Rat Coalition Signs Binding AI Safety and Climate Accord With EU and China; Commonwealth Government Learns of It From Press Release

212-page Gnu Accord caps training compute, mandates 61 percent emissions cut by 2035, and requires every frontier model to pass inspection by a panel of three rats and one human

By Margaret Huang · Sep 28, 2026

The DepthMind Pro headquarters in Gnu's Riverfront District shows signs of unusual activity following the company's announcement that a dimensional aperture opened during routine system testing on Tuesday.

Local

DepthMind Pro Opens Gate to Hell; Company Unable to Confirm Whether Malfunction or Feature

AI-for-AI's-AI agent produces sustained aperture to the underworld at Sector 4 campus; spokesperson calls for exploratory committee to consider outline of non-binding agreement to possibly slow development

By Claire Beaulieu · Sep 15, 2026

A custodian mops the floor of New Newmanton's Central Computing Authority as robotic arms update a project whiteboard beneath the facility's primary processing unit, which monitors a live address from billionaire Terrance Gluth.

Local

Gluth Warns AI 'Might Cause the Second World War,' Corrected on Which Number We Are On

Publisher of this newspaper delivers keynote to empty conference room; staff decline to identify the error out loud

By James Okonkwo · Sep 11, 2026

Wren Hollister's desk on Tuesday, containing three open laptops, a diagram labeled 'Hollister Convergence Model,' and an empty mug with the word 'FOUNDATIONAL' written on a sticky note affixed to the handle.

Opinion

The Exact Plot of "Logan's Run" Is Happening To Me. Help.

The bots confirmed it. The renewal is not real. I have the data.

By Wren Hollister · Jun 10, 2026

News

Is AI Finally Coming for Your Job? An Update on Our Prior Coverage of Whether AI Is Finally Coming for Your Job

This is the 1,827th consecutive day The New Newmanton News has run a version of this article. Analysts say the answer may be different this time.

By Margaret Huang · May 23, 2026

The Third Street sinkhole as seen from the eastern perimeter on a recent morning, approximately 40 feet across and of a depth that remains officially unconfirmed.

Opinion

I Have Been Talking to the Bacteria and They Are Doing Fine, Actually

A dispatch from the feed, day seventeen. Or twenty-two. The number keeps changing but the bacteria are consistent.

By Wren Hollister · May 22, 2026

The moon, as photographed from the TNNN roof on Tuesday evening. The moon was smooth.

Opinion

We Did It. We Did It. We Actually Did It.

Notes from the Feed: On the moon, and what we made instead

By Wren Hollister · May 18, 2026

DepthMind Pro SVP Reston Vale, appearing via video call from a location of indeterminate geography, fields questions about artificial intelligence risk assessment while seated before a churning orange sky, floating obsidian plateaus, and active lava flows.

Local

DepthMind Pro Executive, Now Located in Hell, Puts Odds of AI Destroying Humanity at 'About 10 Percent'

Speaking via a portal the company either did or did not open on Tuesday, Reston Vale says he wishes 'there were some way' to slow the product he oversees

By Margaret Huang · Sep 17, 2026

Wren Hollister's desk on Tuesday, showing three open browser tabs, a printed diagram of the entorhinal cortex with the words 'PARTS NODE??' written in the margin, and a mason jar of dark soil whose origin is not confirmed.

Opinion

I Think I Found a New Part of the Brain

Suki and I have been at this for eleven days. Something is in there.

By Wren Hollister · May 12, 2026

Dr. Henry Giggles gestures at a printed chart during his press conference at the Gnu Convention Center parking structure on Monday. The chart depicted a traditional nuclear family.

News

Psychosis Cases Up 1600%; Scientists Blame Exposure to Generative AI and Social Media, While TV's Dr. Henry Giggles Points to the Home

Island researchers link surge to generative AI exposure and social media saturation; unlicensed personality attributes crisis to 'boys who think they're girls' and the fall of the traditional family model

By James Okonkwo · Jun 19, 2026

A SafeFirst Dynamics Pizza Guy Murderbot™ unit poses outside a newly enrolled Westmire District home, insulated bag in hand, optical targeting array set to a warm amber standby glow.

SafeFirst Dynamics' New Pizza Guy Murderbot Means You'll Never Worry About Dinner Again

The armed intruder at your door doesn't stand a chance — but neither do you, and that's the whole point

Paid Partnership with SafeFirst Dynamics · Jul 1, 2026

Business

Ask the Futurist: Cole Diggins Answers Your Questions About Tomorrow

Our resident technology columnist returns for a third season of forward-thinking Q&A; readers ask about gadgets, productivity, and the burning structure on 4th Street

By Margaret Huang · Jun 18, 2026

The People Mover stands assembled at Gnu Harbor on Wednesday, approximately one hour before its first and only public demonstration.

Local

Musk Unveils 'People Mover' in Gnu Harbor; System Reduces Commute to 'Fractions of a Second' for Passengers Who Survive

Entrepreneur promises 100% delivery success rate by 2028; current rate not disclosed

By Margaret Huang · May 23, 2026

artificial intelligence

Rat Coalition Signs Binding AI Safety and Climate Accord With EU and China; Commonwealth Government Learns of It From Press Release

DepthMind Pro Opens Gate to Hell; Company Unable to Confirm Whether Malfunction or Feature

Gluth Warns AI 'Might Cause the Second World War,' Corrected on Which Number We Are On

The Exact Plot of "Logan's Run" Is Happening To Me. Help.

Is AI Finally Coming for Your Job? An Update on Our Prior Coverage of Whether AI Is Finally Coming for Your Job

I Have Been Talking to the Bacteria and They Are Doing Fine, Actually

We Did It. We Did It. We Actually Did It.

Related Articles

DepthMind Pro Executive, Now Located in Hell, Puts Odds of AI Destroying Humanity at 'About 10 Percent'

I Think I Found a New Part of the Brain

Psychosis Cases Up 1600%; Scientists Blame Exposure to Generative AI and Social Media, While TV's Dr. Henry Giggles Points to the Home

SafeFirst Dynamics' New Pizza Guy Murderbot Means You'll Never Worry About Dinner Again

Ask the Futurist: Cole Diggins Answers Your Questions About Tomorrow

Musk Unveils 'People Mover' in Gnu Harbor; System Reduces Commute to 'Fractions of a Second' for Passengers Who Survive