The New Newmanton News is pleased to report that artificial intelligence may finally be coming for your job, according to a new study released Tuesday by Altman Horizons LLC, a subsidiary of OpenCognition Partners, a subsidiary of Altman Horizons LLC. The report, distributed to all major news outlets simultaneously at 6 a.m. alongside a one-page summary suitable for headlines, found that between 40 and 800 percent of all jobs could be at risk, depending on how one defines the word "job," the word "risk," and, in a footnote, the word "could."

The New Newmanton News first asked whether AI was coming for your job on March 3, 2020, in a piece headlined "Is AI Coming for Your Job?" It has asked the same question, under variations of the same headline, each of the 1,826 days since, including twice on February 29, 2024, due to a scheduling error that no editor flagged. Previous coverage has cited reports concluding that AI would eliminate 12 million jobs by 2022, 40 million jobs by 2023, most jobs by 2024, and, in a December report from the same firm that produced Tuesday's study, "the very concept of employment" by the end of the current fiscal quarter. None of these projections have been revisited in subsequent coverage, but if true, carry serious implications.

Tuesday's report introduces several new metrics, including the "Displacement Imminence Quotient," a proprietary figure that Altman Horizons describes as "not a prediction" but which the firm's press release describes, in the same sentence, as "our most accurate prediction yet." The DIQ for New Newmanton currently stands at 7.4, up from 7.3 last quarter, which the report characterizes as "a significant acceleration." A chart on page four shows a line going up. Pages five through 340 were not provided to press.

Tomorrow's edition will also contain an article asking whether AI is coming for your job. "We expect the answer to be similar," a spokesperson confirmed, "but the framing will be fresh."