Editor's note: Dr. Cole Diggins is a computer scientist, futurist, and three-time recipient of the New Newmanton Chamber of Commerce's "Visionary of the Year" award. His column runs monthly. Questions have been lightly edited for length. We're thrilled to have him back — last season's mailbag was our most-shared feature, and Cole assures us he is feeling much better.

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Q: Hi Cole! Long-time reader. I'm trying to decide between two phones for my teenage son. One has a slightly better camera. Any thoughts? — Patricia, Harbor Heights

Great question, Patricia. The camera is the right thing to focus on, because the camera is the part that watches back. Both devices are excellent. Both will, several thousand times a day, take a photograph of the inside of your son's pocket and forward it somewhere with a name like a Norse god or a serene body of water. I'd go with whichever feels nicer in the hand. They are the same. They were always the same. Nothing has been different since 2011.

For a teenager I'd suggest the model in the warmer color. It will make the surrender feel chosen.

Q: What's the next big thing in productivity software?? I want to get ahead of the curve at work and really show initiative. — Devin, downtown

I love the enthusiasm, Devin. The honest answer is that productivity software has achieved its final form, which is software that produces the feeling of productivity at a rate uncoupled from the production of anything. We have built machines of extraordinary power and pointed every one of them at the problem of attending a meeting on your behalf.

You ask how to get ahead of the curve. Devin, there is no curve. There is a wheel, and we are inside it, and we built it ourselves, screw by screw, sprint by sprint, each of us certain we were the one finally building the door. To get ahead, arrive early. To get ahead truly, do not arrive.

Q: My smart fridge keeps asking me to "verify my identity." Is this normal? It's a fridge. — Marcus

It is normal, Marcus, and you should answer honestly, because the fridge is keeping records and the fridge is patient.

But sit with your own question. You have built a confessional and filled it with milk. Somewhere there is a young man — bright, well-fed, beloved by his mother — whose entire working life is spent making the fridge ask better. He believes he is improving cold storage. He is, in fact, a priest. We have all become priests of objects, Marcus, and the objects are not listening for our benefit. Defrost it monthly.

Q: Okay this might be a weird one lol but what IS the big metal pyramid on 4th and Altman? The one that's... on fire? My out-of-town friends keep asking and I never know what to tell them haha. — Sandra K.

Not weird at all, Sandra — I get this one constantly, and I want to put the rumors to rest, because the truth is so much worse than the rumors.

It is a data center. That is all it is. There is no demon. I need your readers to understand there is no demon, no portal, no old god — I have been inside, I have seen the invoices, and it is requisition forms all the way down. The flames are a cooling byproduct; someone in procurement signed off on it as "thermal exhaust, ambient." The figures in the robes are not a cult. They are employees. The robes are flame-retardant and were issued by Facilities, with a logo. They worship nothing. They simply arrive, and badge in, and feed it, and the terrible part, Sandra, the part I cannot get out of my mouth at parties, is that every single decision that built it was reasonable. No one was mad. Each step had a business case. We did not summon anything. We filled out the forms, and the forms were approved, and the thing on the corner is what approval looks like when you let it finish.

Tell your friends it's a data center. They'll relax. That's the worst part.

Q: What gives you hope about the future of technology? Trying to stay positive over here! 😊 — Bill, Gnu Harbor

The smile, Bill. Keep the smile. I mean that with no irony at all — it may be the last instrument we have not yet automated, and they are working on it.

What gives me hope. We told ourselves we were building tools, and a tool serves the hand. But somewhere the incline reversed, and now the hand serves the tool, and we feed it our attention and our children's faces and our sleep, and we call the feeding innovation because the alternative is to call it what it is. We did not advance. We dug. We mistook the depth of the hole for the height of the tower. This is, as The News has reported in connection with the Third Street Sinkhole, a surprisingly common error. We have coded our way into Hell, Bill, and the cruelest joke — the one I keep laughing at, alone, in the parking structure — is that Hell shipped on time, under budget, and with excellent reviews. The New Newmanton News Network, I am told, will be opening offices there shortly.

But the smile is good. Send a picture. The fridge would love to see it.

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Cole's column returns next month. Have a question about the technology shaping our world? Write to AskTheFuturist@newnewmanton.news — and don't be shy! No question is too big. Cole reads every single one. He says he has to.