roller rink

Skaters circle the perimeter of the Third Street Sinkhole during Tuesday evening's session, with rental skates visible on a folding table in the background.

Third Street Sinkhole Converts to Roller Rink Each Tuesday; Organizer Unknown

Smooth surface, working sound system, and rental skates appear by 6 p.m.; no permit on file, no jurisdiction to require one

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 18, 2026

A view of Trash Island from the eastern shore of Gnu Harbor, Tuesday. The island's central mass is estimated at approximately 340,000 tons.

Local

New Newmanton Selected to Host 1975 Winter Olympics on Trash Island

Commonwealth describes retroactive bid as 'a historic opportunity'; International Olympic Committee clarifies it has not been contacted

By Margaret Huang · May 26, 2026

Members of the New Newmanton Rat Cooperative's Fourth Ward delegation gather near the storm drain at the intersection of Fourth and Merchant Streets on Wednesday.

Local

Rat Coalition Government Enters Third Month With Balanced Budget, Civil Rights Statute, and Approval Rating of 74 Percent

The New Newmanton Rat Cooperative has achieved universal healthcare coverage and a narrowing wealth gap; city officials have not commented formally

By Margaret Huang · May 12, 2026

Rat Coalition firefighters fold the Alderman Street safety trampoline following Tuesday's rescue. The trampoline was re-certified in March.

Local

Rat Coalition Firefighters Catch Gnu Woman in Trampoline After City Eliminates Last Human Position in April

Woman sustained minor smoke inhalation; rats described the rescue as 'standard protocol'

By James Okonkwo · Jun 8, 2026

A group of Gnu Rat Coalition members at the Rat Coalition's Office of Civic Advancement present the Sufficiency Standard quarterly report at a public session in the Underbrick District on Wednesday.

Local

Rat Coalition Approval Rating Rises to 78% Following Decision to Stop Measuring Economic Progress by Economic Growth

Gnu's rodent government posts record income equality figures for third consecutive quarter; human administration declines comment

By Margaret Huang · Jun 7, 2026

Members of the Rat Coalition conduct repair work along the eastern wall of the Third Street Sinkhole on Wednesday, as Brenda Kowalski's lawn chairs remain undisturbed in the background.

Local

Rat Coalition Begins Sinkhole Repairs; Three Levels of Government Continue to Dispute Jurisdiction

Coalition government formed by Third Street rat population has stabilized crater perimeter and laid gravel in areas city has not surveyed since January

By Margaret Huang · May 12, 2026

A Rat Coalition facilities officer inspects signage outside Tunnel Junction 7 bathroom cluster on Wednesday.

Local

Rat Coalition Codifies Self-Identification Bathroom Access; 'Not Sure What The Big Deal Was'

Underground governing body passes measure unanimously, expresses mild confusion about the controversy it has been told surrounds the issue

By Margaret Huang · May 22, 2026

The New Newmanton News

roller rink

Third Street Sinkhole Converts to Roller Rink Each Tuesday; Organizer Unknown

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New Newmanton Selected to Host 1975 Winter Olympics on Trash Island

Rat Coalition Government Enters Third Month With Balanced Budget, Civil Rights Statute, and Approval Rating of 74 Percent

Rat Coalition Firefighters Catch Gnu Woman in Trampoline After City Eliminates Last Human Position in April

Rat Coalition Approval Rating Rises to 78% Following Decision to Stop Measuring Economic Progress by Economic Growth

Rat Coalition Begins Sinkhole Repairs; Three Levels of Government Continue to Dispute Jurisdiction

Rat Coalition Codifies Self-Identification Bathroom Access; 'Not Sure What The Big Deal Was'