Saturday, September 12, 2026Vol. LXIV · No. 8832

The New Newmanton News

“Democracy That Doesn't Upset Billionaires”

Local

Third Street Sinkhole Sanctioned as Venue for New Regional Sport

Sinkhole Ball debuts in its ninth month of existence; league concedes the crater cannot be filled, so it will be scored instead

By Margaret Huang

Saturday, September 12, 2026

Referee Marcus Gill maintains composure at the opening whistle of the Third Street Sinkhole's inaugural Sinkhole Ball match as Player 7 descends into the crater, regulation rubber ball secured.
Referee Marcus Gill maintains composure at the opening whistle of the Third Street Sinkhole's inaugural Sinkhole Ball match as Player 7 descends into the crater, regulation rubber ball secured.The New Newmanton News

The Third Street sinkhole, which opened on January 26 between Elm and Harbor Road and has since resisted a repair timeline, a task force with no members, and a 340-page geological survey requested by no one, has been repurposed as the official venue for Sinkhole Ball, a new regional sport approved by unanimous vote of the New Newmanton Recreation Authority on Tuesday.

The rules, as published in a two-page pamphlet distributed at the crater's edge, hold that two teams of five attempt to throw a weighted ball into the sinkhole from opposing rims. Points are awarded when the ball descends and deducted when a player descends. The Recreation Authority classified the depth of the crater as "regulation" and declined to specify the number in feet, citing the Department of Defense's standing request that all references to the hole include the word "allegedly."

Officials framed the sport as a solution to a problem the city had, until now, described as ongoing. "We looked at filling it, and we looked at not filling it, and Sinkhole Ball was the option that generated revenue," said Recreation Authority director Pauline Estes, noting that concession stands have already been installed at both rims and that ticket sales for the inaugural match exceeded 900. Estes added that the ball used in official play has not yet been recovered from the first exhibition game and is presumed regulation.

The league's founding charter names the sinkhole "Estes Field" and lists no plans for a second venue, on the grounds that the city currently has one crater and does not wish to appear to be encouraging more.

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