Sinkhole Ball

$The USS Terrence Gluth fractures and ignites above Gnu Harbor during its maiden voyage, as dockworkers and officials observe from the pier.$

Local

DISASTER: USS TERRENCE GLUTH EXPLODES IN FLAMES, TRAGEDY FOR SHAREHOLDERS

Presumably, also tragic for the over 500 humans and animals that perished in crash

By Margaret Huang · Sep 13, 2026

Referee Marcus Gill maintains composure at the opening whistle of the Third Street Sinkhole's inaugural Sinkhole Ball match as Player 7 descends into the crater, regulation rubber ball secured.

Local

Third Street Sinkhole Sanctioned as Venue for New Regional Sport

Sinkhole Ball debuts in its ninth month of existence; league concedes the crater cannot be filled, so it will be scored instead

By Margaret Huang · Sep 12, 2026

Local

Third Street Sinkhole Enters Second Month; Residents Adapt

Jurisdictional dispute between city, commonwealth, and federal agencies leaves 40-foot crater in legal and geographic limbo

By Margaret Huang · Mar 4, 2026

Chairwoman Eloise Grantham reviews the Third Street Sinkhole Commission's counting methodology at Tuesday's inaugural meeting, held three blocks from the sinkhole.

Local

Third Street Sinkhole Commission Convenes; First Task Is to Determine Whether There Is One Sinkhole

Nine-member body, formed 71 days after crater opened, votes to count before assigning blame

By Margaret Huang · Aug 3, 2026

Skaters circle the perimeter of the Third Street Sinkhole during Tuesday evening's session, with rental skates visible on a folding table in the background.

Local

Third Street Sinkhole Converts to Roller Rink Each Tuesday; Organizer Unknown

Smooth surface, working sound system, and rental skates appear by 6 p.m.; no permit on file, no jurisdiction to require one

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 18, 2026

Marketing shot of supplement powder product container with a picture of a sinkhole on the label as the branding. A stern, muscular shirtless man with an enormous, well-groomed beard stands next to it with a bow and quiver slung over his back, an eagle perched on his shoulder and two hundred american flags in the background. He is soaking wet, for some reason.

Local

Influencer Markets Sinkhole Dirt as Cure for 'Learned Male Submissiveness'; Product Ships Nationwide

Third Street soil, described by Public Works as 'of uncertain composition,' now available in capsule form at $34.99 per month

By James Okonkwo · Mar 4, 2026

A circle of mismatched lawn chairs arranged around the perimeter of a dark, gaping sinkhole on Third Street at dusk, with overcast skies overhead. Several residents sit quietly in their chairs facing the opening, some looking down into the hole with expressions of curiosity and bemusement, while others gaze upward or toward each other. The surrounding pavement is cracked and worn, typical New Newmanton municipal infrastructure, with Elm Street visible in the soft evening light. The composition emphasizes the surreal gathering—ordinary people in everyday chairs, waiting and listening to something impossible.

Local

Third Street Sinkhole Begins Emitting Sound Consistent With 1982 Toto Single

Geological anomaly produces what acoustics researchers describe as 'a reasonable approximation' of 'Rosanna'; mayor attributes phenomenon to pre-colonial land practices

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 4, 2026

Members of the Rat Coalition conduct repair work along the eastern wall of the Third Street Sinkhole on Wednesday, as Brenda Kowalski's lawn chairs remain undisturbed in the background.

Local

Rat Coalition Begins Sinkhole Repairs; Three Levels of Government Continue to Dispute Jurisdiction

Coalition government formed by Third Street rat population has stabilized crater perimeter and laid gravel in areas city has not surveyed since January

By Margaret Huang · May 12, 2026

The New Newmanton News

Sinkhole Ball

DISASTER: USS TERRENCE GLUTH EXPLODES IN FLAMES, TRAGEDY FOR SHAREHOLDERS

Third Street Sinkhole Sanctioned as Venue for New Regional Sport

Related Articles

Third Street Sinkhole Enters Second Month; Residents Adapt

Third Street Sinkhole Commission Convenes; First Task Is to Determine Whether There Is One Sinkhole

Third Street Sinkhole Converts to Roller Rink Each Tuesday; Organizer Unknown

Influencer Markets Sinkhole Dirt as Cure for 'Learned Male Submissiveness'; Product Ships Nationwide

Third Street Sinkhole Begins Emitting Sound Consistent With 1982 Toto Single

Rat Coalition Begins Sinkhole Repairs; Three Levels of Government Continue to Dispute Jurisdiction