Rat Coalition Firefighters Catch Gnu Woman in Trampoline After City Eliminates Last Human Position in April
Woman sustained minor smoke inhalation; rats described the rescue as 'standard protocol'
By James Okonkwo
Monday, June 8, 2026

A Gnu woman was caught in a safety trampoline by Rat Coalition firefighters Tuesday evening after a kitchen fire displaced her from the second floor of her Alderman Street residence, marking the first documented trampoline deployment since the city eliminated its last human firefighter position on April 3rd as part of what the Department of Municipal Continuity described at the time as a "strategic workforce modernization initiative."
The woman, identified in the incident report as Daria Fenwick, 41, was treated at Gnu Regional Hospital for minor smoke inhalation and released the same evening. The four Rat Coalition members who held the trampoline required no medical attention. Fire Marshal records indicate the response time was four minutes and eleven seconds, nine seconds faster than the department's average for the same address during the period when human firefighters were employed there.
The Rat Coalition issued a brief statement Wednesday noting that its members had "performed their duties in accordance with established procedures" and that the trampoline had been inspected and re-certified the previous month. The statement did not address whether the rats had received additional trampoline training following the April restructuring, or whether such training had existed prior to it.
City Clerk Patricia Voss confirmed that the Alderman Street property sits within the jurisdiction covered by the Rat Coalition's existing municipal services contract, which she described as "active and in good standing." When asked whether the contract had been updated to reflect the expanded scope of fire response since April, Voss said the review was ongoing and estimated it would take three to five weeks, a timeline consistent with previous estimates provided to The News regarding the commonwealth's outstanding contractual obligations.

