public works

The pyramid structure at 4th and Altman Street on Wednesday morning, with the eastern flame visible at left and three robed figures standing at the base.

Pyramid Structure of Unknown Metal Appears Overnight at 4th and Altman; Robed Figures Observed

City says structure is not permitted but acknowledges it cannot be moved; flame described as 'outside normal parameters for open burning'

By Margaret Huang · May 24, 2026

Members of the Rat Coalition conduct repair work along the eastern wall of the Third Street Sinkhole on Wednesday, as Brenda Kowalski's lawn chairs remain undisturbed in the background.

Local

Rat Coalition Begins Sinkhole Repairs; Three Levels of Government Continue to Dispute Jurisdiction

Coalition government formed by Third Street rat population has stabilized crater perimeter and laid gravel in areas city has not surveyed since January

By Margaret Huang · May 12, 2026

The Third Street sinkhole on Tuesday, its viewing platform GoFundMe now at $3,400, its legal status newly complicated.

Local

Consolidated Finality Partners LLC Files Formal Objection to Third Street Sinkhole Litigation, Citing 'Redundancy'

Corporate buyer argues pending lawsuit seeks damages against infrastructure that 'will not exist in its current or any future form'

By Margaret Huang · Mar 18, 2026

Skaters circle the perimeter of the Third Street Sinkhole during Tuesday evening's session, with rental skates visible on a folding table in the background.

Local

Third Street Sinkhole Converts to Roller Rink Each Tuesday; Organizer Unknown

Smooth surface, working sound system, and rental skates appear by 6 p.m.; no permit on file, no jurisdiction to require one

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 18, 2026

A stack of Gnu Nation Cultural Council pamphlets outside the Cultural Council offices on Wednesday, as the Woke Mind Virus outbreak entered its fifth day.

Local

53 Employed, Another 33 Receive Universal Healthcare After Fresh Outbreak of Woke Mind Virus

Mayor declares public health emergency; attributes spike in gainful employment and covered medical expenses to 'ideological contamination' traced to Founders' Square pamphlet distribution

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 9, 2026

Bertram Holloway in an undated photograph, holding a clipboard. The photograph was submitted by the family with a note indicating it was taken during an active inspection.

Obituaries

Bertram Holloway, Retired Permit Inspector, 77

Spent forty-one years reviewing municipal variance applications; died after becoming entangled in a banner.

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 18, 2026

Gerald sits in the folding chair on the ground floor of the Gnu Public Library on Thursday. The 1987 Rand McNally road atlas is visible on the table to his left.

Local

Gnu Public Library Reduced to One Book, One Chair, and a Man Named Gerald Who May or May Not Be Staff

Budget reductions spanning eleven consecutive years have left the commonwealth's flagship branch 'fully operational,' per the Department of Cultural Services

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 18, 2026

Local

Third Street Sinkhole Enters Second Month; Residents Adapt

Jurisdictional dispute between city, commonwealth, and federal agencies leaves 40-foot crater in legal and geographic limbo

By Margaret Huang · Mar 4, 2026

Mayor Clifton Reeves stands in front of the bronze Newton statue in Founders' Square on an overcast afternoon, holding a laminated map of the island with a large red x over the entire island while speaking to a small gathered press corps. His expression is tense and guarded as he gestures toward the map without releasing it, reporters with notepads and cameras positioned around him. Gray clouds hang low over the square's brick pavement behind him, and the statue looms slightly out of focus in the background.

News

Commonwealth Reportedly in Discussions With Corporate Buyer Over 'Complete and Total Destruction' of New Newmanton

Officials decline to confirm or deny terms; Mayor Reeves calls offer 'tremendous' and credits his administration for attracting interest

By James Okonkwo · Mar 4, 2026

A crowd gathers outside the newly reopened office of the administrator in the capital, March 1947. The door had been recently replaced.

Local

From the Archive: 'Infrastructure Restored; Newton Missing, Presumed Eaten' — New Newton Courier, March 14, 1947

Republished in full on the occasion of the 78th anniversary of the island's transition from libertarian experiment to functional commonwealth

By Margaret Huang · Mar 19, 2026

The New Newmanton News

public works

Pyramid Structure of Unknown Metal Appears Overnight at 4th and Altman; Robed Figures Observed

Rat Coalition Begins Sinkhole Repairs; Three Levels of Government Continue to Dispute Jurisdiction

Consolidated Finality Partners LLC Files Formal Objection to Third Street Sinkhole Litigation, Citing 'Redundancy'

Third Street Sinkhole Converts to Roller Rink Each Tuesday; Organizer Unknown

Related Articles

53 Employed, Another 33 Receive Universal Healthcare After Fresh Outbreak of Woke Mind Virus

Bertram Holloway, Retired Permit Inspector, 77

Gnu Public Library Reduced to One Book, One Chair, and a Man Named Gerald Who May or May Not Be Staff

Third Street Sinkhole Enters Second Month; Residents Adapt

Commonwealth Reportedly in Discussions With Corporate Buyer Over 'Complete and Total Destruction' of New Newmanton

From the Archive: 'Infrastructure Restored; Newton Missing, Presumed Eaten' — New Newton Courier, March 14, 1947