AI safety

The DepthMind Pro headquarters in Gnu's Riverfront District shows signs of unusual activity following the company's announcement that a dimensional aperture opened during routine system testing on Tuesday.

DepthMind Pro Opens Gate to Hell; Company Unable to Confirm Whether Malfunction or Feature

AI-for-AI's-AI agent produces sustained aperture to the underworld at Sector 4 campus; spokesperson calls for exploratory committee to consider outline of non-binding agreement to possibly slow development

By Claire Beaulieu · Sep 15, 2026

A SafeFirst Dynamics T-9 Personal Resolution Unit poses beside a freshly printed appointment confirmation card in the company's Gnu showroom. Units are available in Matte Charcoal and Civic Beige.

SafeFirst Dynamics Knows Exactly What You're Afraid Of — And Has Already Scheduled Your Appointment

Personalized threat-elimination services, delivered with precision, before anything worse can happen to you

Paid Partnership with SafeFirst Dynamics · May 31, 2026

News

Is AI Finally Coming for Your Job? An Update on Our Prior Coverage of Whether AI Is Finally Coming for Your Job

This is the 1,827th consecutive day The New Newmanton News has run a version of this article. Analysts say the answer may be different this time.

By Margaret Huang · May 23, 2026

A custodian mops the floor of New Newmanton's Central Computing Authority as robotic arms update a project whiteboard beneath the facility's primary processing unit, which monitors a live address from billionaire Terrance Gluth.

Local

Gluth Warns AI 'Might Cause the Second World War,' Corrected on Which Number We Are On

Publisher of this newspaper delivers keynote to empty conference room; staff decline to identify the error out loud

By James Okonkwo · Sep 11, 2026

DepthMind Pro SVP Reston Vale, appearing via video call from a location of indeterminate geography, fields questions about artificial intelligence risk assessment while seated before a churning orange sky, floating obsidian plateaus, and active lava flows.

Local

DepthMind Pro Executive, Now Located in Hell, Puts Odds of AI Destroying Humanity at 'About 10 Percent'

Speaking via a portal the company either did or did not open on Tuesday, Reston Vale says he wishes 'there were some way' to slow the product he oversees

By Margaret Huang · Sep 17, 2026

A SafeFirst Dynamics Pizza Guy Murderbot™ unit poses outside a newly enrolled Westmire District home, insulated bag in hand, optical targeting array set to a warm amber standby glow.

SafeFirst Dynamics' New Pizza Guy Murderbot Means You'll Never Worry About Dinner Again

The armed intruder at your door doesn't stand a chance — but neither do you, and that's the whole point

Paid Partnership with SafeFirst Dynamics · Jul 1, 2026

Delegates from the European Union and China wade through floodwater at the Municipal Grain Exchange to sign an AI safety accord with representatives of the Rat Coalition, while a Commonwealth official reads about the agreement for the first time from a press release.

News

Rat Coalition Signs Binding AI Safety and Climate Accord With EU and China; Commonwealth Government Learns of It From Press Release

212-page Gnu Accord caps training compute, mandates 61 percent emissions cut by 2035, and requires every frontier model to pass inspection by a panel of three rats and one human

By Margaret Huang · Sep 28, 2026