In the interest of intellectual honesty, which I practice even when it costs me dinner invitations, let me state at the outset that the Sheep State bears no responsibility for the 32,400 percent rise in inflation of the GrundelCoin — the same spike this paper previously documented as reaching Weimar-level proportions, at which point Mayor Reeves advised federal workers to "buy the dip." The Treasury audit says the Sheep State bears no responsibility. The GrundleCoin white paper says so. The white paper runs nine pages and consists largely of a photograph of its founder's boat. The sheep themselves have said only "baa," which the Restorationist Alliance translated within the hour into a 600-word statement of solidarity. Having conceded every fact in the matter, I would ask the reader to indulge me in a thought experiment: what if they had been responsible?

It bears asking why no one will entertain the question. A loaf of bread now costs 6.4 million GrundleCoin. Payroll at this newspaper has been converted to fleece on what management calls "an interim basis through Q4 and possibly forever," a hardship made possible, as The News reported when public servants were first offered the option to be paid in the mayor's meme coin tax-free, by a policy this paper warned would end exactly this way. One wonders whether a currency pegged to "community sentiment" might be uniquely vulnerable to an entity whose entire sentiment is, by definition, a herd. I am not saying it was. I am saying that when I raised the possibility on the radio Tuesday, a caller described me as "a woolly-minded scapegoater with no evidence." People say that sort of thing when they have no answer, and also when they have evidence.

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Of course the Sheep State deserves to graze in peace. Of course no flock should be sheared on the strength of a hypothesis. But the Restorationists have now issued three statements defending a population that have not rebuked the accusations lobbed by high-ranking podcasters and supplement salesmen from within the administration. In my experience, that is what one does when one suspects it might be guilty. Sheep cannot operate a crypto wallet, hold private keys, or read. That is a fact. A fact is not an argument, and I have grown tired of being asked to treat the two as interchangeable.

I should disclose that I hold 840,000,000 GrundleCoin, which as of this writing could buy roughly .02% of a sandwich, as the coin has just inflated once more. I hold no grudge against the sheep. I hold only questions, and I intend to keep asking them until someone answers in a way I find acceptable. That has not happened yet, and at this exchange rate, it may never be affordable.