Restorationist Alliance

A white-faced sheep chews grass in a grey pasture while observed through a car windshield via telephoto lens, its eyes fixed directly at the camera.

Opinion

The Sheep State Did Not Cause the GrundleCoin Collapse. Why Won't Anyone Let Me Say Otherwise?

A modest thought experiment the revisionist project would prefer you never conduct

By Graham Holt · Nov 8, 2026

Graham Holt at his desk in the TNNN offices, photographed Tuesday.

Opinion

Who, Exactly, Is Being Harmed by This Conversation?

A classical liberal asks the question no one else will, because no one else has the courage, or possibly the patience

By Graham Holt · Mar 4, 2026

Members of the Rat Coalition conduct repair work along the eastern wall of the Third Street Sinkhole on Wednesday, as Brenda Kowalski's lawn chairs remain undisturbed in the background.

Local

Rat Coalition Begins Sinkhole Repairs; Three Levels of Government Continue to Dispute Jurisdiction

Coalition government formed by Third Street rat population has stabilized crater perimeter and laid gravel in areas city has not surveyed since January

By Margaret Huang · May 12, 2026

Council chambers during Thursday's 11-hour session. Councilmember Braddock is visible at far left, asleep.

News

City Council Votes to Rename Liberation Day for Seventh Consecutive Year

New designation 'Heritage Observance Day' satisfies no one; mayor declares 'total victory for the people'

By Margaret Huang · Mar 4, 2026

Crowded high school gymnasium with folding chairs arranged in rows, fluorescent lighting casting a flat institutional glow, a diverse group of attendees mid-meeting with visibly strained expressions ranging from polite resignation to barely contained frustration; in the foreground, a middle-aged person in a rain jacket holds a large handwritten poster aloft, the sign's message obscured from the camera angle but clearly directed at a folding-table panel of officials at the far end of the room. A city moderator at the panel table leans into a microphone with the exhausted composure of someone counting down the minutes, while other attendees in the background clutch papers, cross their arms, or stare at the ceiling of the worn mid-century gymnasium.

News

Public Forum on Holiday Naming Gives Equal Time to All Four Factions; Consensus Remains Elusive

Newtonists, Newmanites, Restorationists, and the Coalition for General Cannibalism Awareness each present their case in three-hour session

By Margaret Huang · Mar 4, 2026

A defaced Free Gnawers campaign poster hangs in the storm drain beneath Gnu as the party's concession rally proceeds in the tunnels below.

Local

Rat Coalition Re-Elected by 23 Points; Hard-Right Free Gnawers Party Concedes Before Polls Close

Subterranean electorate returns incumbent government on 91 percent turnout; count completed by hand in under four hours with no recorded disputes

By James Okonkwo · Oct 28, 2026

A copy of Tuesday's federal press release, partially retracted, posted to the bulletin board outside Gnu Harbor Naval Base.

Opinion

Whatever the Reason, We Declared War on Iran for the Right Reason

The administration's explanations may be contradictory, incomplete, and occasionally incoherent. That is not the point.

By Graham Holt · Mar 7, 2026

The New Newmanton News

Restorationist Alliance

The Sheep State Did Not Cause the GrundleCoin Collapse. Why Won't Anyone Let Me Say Otherwise?

Related Articles

Who, Exactly, Is Being Harmed by This Conversation?

Rat Coalition Begins Sinkhole Repairs; Three Levels of Government Continue to Dispute Jurisdiction

City Council Votes to Rename Liberation Day for Seventh Consecutive Year

Public Forum on Holiday Naming Gives Equal Time to All Four Factions; Consensus Remains Elusive

Rat Coalition Re-Elected by 23 Points; Hard-Right Free Gnawers Party Concedes Before Polls Close

Whatever the Reason, We Declared War on Iran for the Right Reason