Wednesday, November 4, 2026Vol. LXXXVII · No. 131

The New Newmanton News

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Rat Coalition Re-Elected by 23 Points; Hard-Right Free Gnawers Party Concedes Before Polls Close

Subterranean electorate returns incumbent government on 91 percent turnout; count completed by hand in under four hours with no recorded disputes

By James Okonkwo

Wednesday, October 28, 2026

A defaced Free Gnawers campaign poster hangs in the storm drain beneath Gnu as the party's concession rally proceeds in the tunnels below.
A defaced Free Gnawers campaign poster hangs in the storm drain beneath Gnu as the party's concession rally proceeds in the tunnels below.The New Newmanton News

The Rat Coalition (RC) was returned to power Sunday in the general election for the storm drain and sewer districts beneath Gnu. It defeated the hard-right Free Gnawers Party (FG) winning 52 percent - a massive majority - with the Free Gnawers getting just 12 percent, the No-Mazes Party (NMP) getting 20 percent, the Newmanton Left Alliance for Rats of Earth (NLAFROE) coming in at 10 percent, and the Christian DemoRats came in at 6 percent. The total turnout for the night's election was a resounding 91 percent. The count was conducted by paw, completed in three hours and forty minutes, and produced no recounts, no lawsuits and no allegations of fraud.

The Coalition administers universal healthcare through a network of 212 clinics and holds a 78 percent approval rating, the highest of any governing body on New Newmanton. The Free Gnawers campaigned on abolishing the clinic network, which they called "a dependency trap," and on opening the drains to "private infrastructure partnership." The party also had a hard stance on immigration, insisting that all 'non-native' rats be deported and the borders be closed. It should be noted that all New Newmanton rats can be traced back to Issac Newton (not that one)'s original ships that landed on what was then still land belong to the native population.

The FG has also been in the center of several corruption cases. Most notably, a Free Gnawers candidate in the Harbor Road district was photographed in March accepting a crate of commercial rodenticide from a cigarette industry trade group, rebranded for the campaign as "Patriot Pellets." The Free Gnawers lost Harbor Road by 31 points.

Coalition leadership is expected to re-form its governing arrangement with its three junior partners, before the end of the week. A Coalition spokesperson said the negotiations "should take about an hour, because everyone already knows what the job is." The Elections Office, which has not certified a human municipal election without litigation since 2019, formally requested a copy of the Coalition's electoral procedures. The Coalition provided the document Monday. It is three pages long.

Council President Diana Okafor-Mills issued a statement congratulating "both parties on a spirited campaign" and urging the Coalition to "reach through the hole" and "seek common ground with the Free Gnawers on the question of poison." The statement noted that "a 12-point mandate is not a license to stop listening" and suggested the Coalition consider a partial privatization of its clinics "as a gesture of good faith." The Coalition said it had received the statement and would not be acting on it.

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