Several thousand residents lined Harbor Road on Saturday for the commonwealth's annual All Saints' Day procession honoring Saint Cletith, patron saint of New Newmanton, the downtrodden, and, under the same 1611 Vatican designation, bestiality. The 1.4-mile route ran from the Cathedral of the Adequate Shepherd to the western rim of the Third Street sinkhole, where volunteers served 2,300 bowls of lentil soup to residents the Department of Social Services classifies as "pre-housed." The saint's second patronage did not appear on any banner, program, or commemorative tote bag. The 22-foot papier-mâché effigy of Cletith was carried in its traditional configuration, holding a beggar's bowl in one hand, with the other hand ending at the wrist since a 1964 restoration the Diocese describes as "corrective."

Cletith became the island's patron in 1949, when Randy Newman, two years into his governance and seeking a saint to replace Isaac Newton (not that one) on the commonwealth seal, purchased the designation from a Vatican clearance catalogue in which Cletith was the only listed saint whose portfolio included the downtrodden. Diocesan records show Newman paid $11 ($128,000 in today's money) and asked no follow-up questions. The official Hymn of Saint Cletith has 14 verses. Verses 9 through 11 have been "observed in silence" since 1971, and the Commonwealth Tourism Board pays a Minneapolis consultancy $40,000 a year to ensure that search results for the saint's name begin with the word "soup."

This year's theme, "Blessed Are the Rent-Burdened," reflected what organizers called the saint's "growing relevance," after the number of residents meeting the parish definition of downtrodden rose 18 percent since last November. A statement from the Mayor's office credited the administration with "giving Saint Cletith more to do than any government in this island's history." Deacon Harold Pruitt, who has led the procession for 26 years, said the Diocese "focuses on the part of the man's work that the island needs most, which, looking around, is not in question." Asked about the other part, Pruitt said, "He was a busy saint," and returned to ladling.

The Gnu Municipal Petting Zoo was closed for the holiday, as it has been every November 1 since 1949. A sign on the gate cited "staffing reasons."