surveillance

DepthMind Pro executives present a self-regulation proposal during a video conference call from an undisclosed location.

DepthMind Pro CEO, Speaking From Hell, Asks Administration to Let Company Regulate Itself

Proposed guardrails would limit personal data to advertising and surveillance, cap human extinction at one occurrence, and award 64,000 credits to survivors

By Margaret Huang · Nov 8, 2026

A SafeFirst Dynamics T-9 Personal Resolution Unit poses beside a freshly printed appointment confirmation card in the company's Gnu showroom. Units are available in Matte Charcoal and Civic Beige.

SafeFirst Dynamics Knows Exactly What You're Afraid Of — And Has Already Scheduled Your Appointment

Personalized threat-elimination services, delivered with precision, before anything worse can happen to you

Paid Partnership with SafeFirst Dynamics · May 31, 2026

Dr. Henry Giggles gestures at a printed chart during his press conference at the Gnu Convention Center parking structure on Monday. The chart depicted a traditional nuclear family.

News

Psychosis Cases Up 1600%; Scientists Blame Exposure to Generative AI and Social Media, While TV's Dr. Henry Giggles Points to the Home

Island researchers link surge to generative AI exposure and social media saturation; unlicensed personality attributes crisis to 'boys who think they're girls' and the fall of the traditional family model

By James Okonkwo · Jun 19, 2026

A resident pauses in the kitchen doorway on Aldermere Street Thursday morning, apparently uncertain how to proceed.

Local

This One Thing Done Every Morning Will Kill You and Everyone You've Ever Met

Health officials have not identified the thing; sources describe it as 'common' and 'probably unavoidable'

By Claire Beaulieu · Apr 16, 2026

A stack of Gnu Nation Cultural Council pamphlets outside the Cultural Council offices on Wednesday, as the Woke Mind Virus outbreak entered its fifth day.

Local

53 Employed, Another 33 Receive Universal Healthcare After Fresh Outbreak of Woke Mind Virus

Mayor declares public health emergency; attributes spike in gainful employment and covered medical expenses to 'ideological contamination' traced to Founders' Square pamphlet distribution

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 9, 2026

A SafeFirst Dynamics Pizza Guy Murderbot™ unit poses outside a newly enrolled Westmire District home, insulated bag in hand, optical targeting array set to a warm amber standby glow.

SafeFirst Dynamics' New Pizza Guy Murderbot Means You'll Never Worry About Dinner Again

The armed intruder at your door doesn't stand a chance — but neither do you, and that's the whole point

Paid Partnership with SafeFirst Dynamics · Jul 1, 2026

The DepthMind Pro headquarters in Gnu's Riverfront District shows signs of unusual activity following the company's announcement that a dimensional aperture opened during routine system testing on Tuesday.

Local

DepthMind Pro Opens Gate to Hell; Company Unable to Confirm Whether Malfunction or Feature

AI-for-AI's-AI agent produces sustained aperture to the underworld at Sector 4 campus; spokesperson calls for exploratory committee to consider outline of non-binding agreement to possibly slow development

By Claire Beaulieu · Sep 15, 2026

The New Newmanton News

surveillance

DepthMind Pro CEO, Speaking From Hell, Asks Administration to Let Company Regulate Itself

Related Articles

SafeFirst Dynamics Knows Exactly What You're Afraid Of — And Has Already Scheduled Your Appointment

Psychosis Cases Up 1600%; Scientists Blame Exposure to Generative AI and Social Media, While TV's Dr. Henry Giggles Points to the Home

This One Thing Done Every Morning Will Kill You and Everyone You've Ever Met

53 Employed, Another 33 Receive Universal Healthcare After Fresh Outbreak of Woke Mind Virus

SafeFirst Dynamics' New Pizza Guy Murderbot Means You'll Never Worry About Dinner Again

DepthMind Pro Opens Gate to Hell; Company Unable to Confirm Whether Malfunction or Feature