Halloween

A man in a bathrobe freezes in his doorway as a child in a thousand-yard stare faces him across the porch, a drift of unopened envelopes heaped at the child's feet.

'Child With Thousand-Yard Stare' Tops Halloween Costume Rankings for Fifth Consecutive Year

Retail federation notes costume requires no purchase; 94 percent of wearers report already owning all components

By James Okonkwo · Nov 1, 2026

Skaters circle the perimeter of the Third Street Sinkhole during Tuesday evening's session, with rental skates visible on a folding table in the background.

Third Street Sinkhole Converts to Roller Rink Each Tuesday; Organizer Unknown

Smooth surface, working sound system, and rental skates appear by 6 p.m.; no permit on file, no jurisdiction to require one

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 18, 2026

Crowded high school gymnasium with folding chairs arranged in rows, fluorescent lighting casting a flat institutional glow, a diverse group of attendees mid-meeting with visibly strained expressions ranging from polite resignation to barely contained frustration; in the foreground, a middle-aged person in a rain jacket holds a large handwritten poster aloft, the sign's message obscured from the camera angle but clearly directed at a folding-table panel of officials at the far end of the room. A city moderator at the panel table leans into a microphone with the exhausted composure of someone counting down the minutes, while other attendees in the background clutch papers, cross their arms, or stare at the ceiling of the worn mid-century gymnasium.

News

Public Forum on Holiday Naming Gives Equal Time to All Four Factions; Consensus Remains Elusive

Newtonists, Newmanites, Restorationists, and the Coalition for General Cannibalism Awareness each present their case in three-hour session

By Margaret Huang · Mar 4, 2026

Parishioners queue before the gilded statue of Saint Cletith in the cathedral nave, where votive candles illuminate the saint's extended arm, the huddled figure at his feet, and the marble sheep encircling his legs, their eyes fixed outward into the incense-hazed dimness.

Local

Island Honors Saint Cletith, Patron of the Downtrodden and Bestiality, With Annual Procession; Diocese Again Declines to Elaborate

Record 2,300 bowls of soup served as number of eligible downtrodden rises 18 percent; Gnu Petting Zoo closed for the day, as it has been every November 1 since 1949

By Margaret Huang · Nov 1, 2026

A seven-foot cicada sprays flame across the Emergence Festival banner in Founders' Square as firefighters and panicked attendees respond to the insect's arrival.

Local

Giant Cicadas Emerge on Schedule; Festival Organizers Report Strong Turnout, Weaker Return

Quarter-century tradition returns to Gnu with parade, craft vendors, and a revised headcount procedure

By Claire Beaulieu · Oct 30, 2026

A plywood panel covers the front window of a home on Elm Street in Gnu on Tuesday, shortly after the Thiel family's arrival.

Local

Residents Enter Crawlspaces, Root Cellars as Thiel Family Arrives for 12-Day Stay

Tourism Bureau welcomes 'a valued repeat visitor and his loved ones'; school board declares 'Reduced Visibility Period'

By Margaret Huang · Sep 29, 2026

Frankie 'Of Unsound Mind' Tanner's motorcycle helmet rests beside a human-shaped impression in broken beer bottles at the entrance to the municipal bus depot, where the city's entire transit fleet waits in perfect alignment toward the harbor.

Obituaries

Frankie 'Of Unsound Mind' Tanner, Daredevil, 62

Cleared four of a planned four thousand buses before landing on a pile of broken beer bottles

By Margaret Huang · Sep 22, 2026

The New Newmanton News

Halloween

'Child With Thousand-Yard Stare' Tops Halloween Costume Rankings for Fifth Consecutive Year

Related Articles

Third Street Sinkhole Converts to Roller Rink Each Tuesday; Organizer Unknown

Public Forum on Holiday Naming Gives Equal Time to All Four Factions; Consensus Remains Elusive

Island Honors Saint Cletith, Patron of the Downtrodden and Bestiality, With Annual Procession; Diocese Again Declines to Elaborate

Giant Cicadas Emerge on Schedule; Festival Organizers Report Strong Turnout, Weaker Return

Residents Enter Crawlspaces, Root Cellars as Thiel Family Arrives for 12-Day Stay

Frankie 'Of Unsound Mind' Tanner, Daredevil, 62