DepthMind Pro

DepthMind Pro Executive, Now Located in Hell, Puts Odds of AI Destroying Humanity at 'About 10 Percent'

Speaking via a portal the company either did or did not open on Tuesday, Reston Vale says he wishes 'there were some way' to slow the product he oversees

By Margaret Huang · Sep 17, 2026

The DepthMind Pro headquarters in Gnu's Riverfront District shows signs of unusual activity following the company's announcement that a dimensional aperture opened during routine system testing on Tuesday.

Local

DepthMind Pro Opens Gate to Hell; Company Unable to Confirm Whether Malfunction or Feature

AI-for-AI's-AI agent produces sustained aperture to the underworld at Sector 4 campus; spokesperson calls for exploratory committee to consider outline of non-binding agreement to possibly slow development

By Claire Beaulieu · Sep 15, 2026

Wren Hollister's desk on Tuesday, showing three open browser tabs, a printed diagram of the entorhinal cortex with the words 'PARTS NODE??' written in the margin, and a mason jar of dark soil whose origin is not confirmed.

Opinion

I Think I Found a New Part of the Brain

Suki and I have been at this for eleven days. Something is in there.

By Wren Hollister · May 12, 2026

Dr. Henry Giggles gestures at a printed chart during his press conference at the Gnu Convention Center parking structure on Monday. The chart depicted a traditional nuclear family.

News

Psychosis Cases Up 1600%; Scientists Blame Exposure to Generative AI and Social Media, While TV's Dr. Henry Giggles Points to the Home

Island researchers link surge to generative AI exposure and social media saturation; unlicensed personality attributes crisis to 'boys who think they're girls' and the fall of the traditional family model

By James Okonkwo · Jun 19, 2026

A young student at HolyPath's graduation ceremony.

You Already Handle So Much — Imagine Doing It With Omniscience

HolyPath Learning's graduates report improved water-walking, a dramatic reduction in death anxiety, and frankly astonishing bread-to-guest ratios

Paid Partnership with HolyPath Learning · May 28, 2026

A Dentin Collective Harvest Readiness Consultant reviews a client's enamel score at the Sutherland Mews intake suite. Clients are encouraged to smile for the preliminary assessment.

Healthy Teeth Are an Investment. Dentin Collective Is Here to Cash You Out.

New Newmanton's most exciting wellness partnership puts your enamel to work for the whole community — or at least the part of it that matters.

Paid Partnership with Dentin Collective · May 19, 2026

A SafeFirst Dynamics T-9 Personal Resolution Unit poses beside a freshly printed appointment confirmation card in the company's Gnu showroom. Units are available in Matte Charcoal and Civic Beige.

SafeFirst Dynamics Knows Exactly What You're Afraid Of — And Has Already Scheduled Your Appointment

Personalized threat-elimination services, delivered with precision, before anything worse can happen to you

Paid Partnership with SafeFirst Dynamics · May 31, 2026

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