United States

News

The Sunday Snooze: Fascism Has Happened Before, So We Don't Need To Worry About It

A careful historical analysis finds that troubling events have occurred previously, which experts say is reassuring

By James Okonkwo · Mar 8, 2026

A copy of Tuesday's federal press release, partially retracted, posted to the bulletin board outside Gnu Harbor Naval Base.

Opinion

Whatever the Reason, We Declared War on Iran for the Right Reason

The administration's explanations may be contradictory, incomplete, and occasionally incoherent. That is not the point.

By Graham Holt · Mar 7, 2026

An aerial view of Gnu Harbor Naval Base, which currently occupies 40% of the island's northern coastline.

News

Gnu Harbor Naval Base Announces $2.3B Expansion; Mayor Takes Credit, Demands More

Largest offshore military installation to add three facilities, 4,000 personnel. Reeves calls environmental review request 'anti-prosperity sabotage.'

By James Okonkwo · Mar 4, 2026

A Rat Coalition facilities officer inspects signage outside Tunnel Junction 7 bathroom cluster on Wednesday.

Local

Rat Coalition Codifies Self-Identification Bathroom Access; 'Not Sure What The Big Deal Was'

Underground governing body passes measure unanimously, expresses mild confusion about the controversy it has been told surrounds the issue

By Margaret Huang · May 22, 2026

Members of the New Newmanton Rat Cooperative's Fourth Ward delegation gather near the storm drain at the intersection of Fourth and Merchant Streets on Wednesday.

Local

Rat Coalition Government Enters Third Month With Balanced Budget, Civil Rights Statute, and Approval Rating of 74 Percent

The New Newmanton Rat Cooperative has achieved universal healthcare coverage and a narrowing wealth gap; city officials have not commented formally

By Margaret Huang · May 12, 2026

Local

Peter Thiel Dressed in Victim's Skin Orders Uva Latte at Gnu Starbucks; Baristas Note Loyalty Points Did Not Transfer

Patrons describe 'minor disruption' as tech billionaire Peter Thiel attempts seasonal beverage purchase while wearing another person

By Claire Beaulieu · May 21, 2026

A stack of Gnu Nation Cultural Council pamphlets outside the Cultural Council offices on Wednesday, as the Woke Mind Virus outbreak entered its fifth day.

Local

53 Employed, Another 33 Receive Universal Healthcare After Fresh Outbreak of Woke Mind Virus

Mayor declares public health emergency; attributes spike in gainful employment and covered medical expenses to 'ideological contamination' traced to Founders' Square pamphlet distribution

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 9, 2026

The New Newmanton News

United States

The Sunday Snooze: Fascism Has Happened Before, So We Don't Need To Worry About It

Related Articles

Whatever the Reason, We Declared War on Iran for the Right Reason

Gnu Harbor Naval Base Announces $2.3B Expansion; Mayor Takes Credit, Demands More

Rat Coalition Codifies Self-Identification Bathroom Access; 'Not Sure What The Big Deal Was'

Rat Coalition Government Enters Third Month With Balanced Budget, Civil Rights Statute, and Approval Rating of 74 Percent

Peter Thiel Dressed in Victim's Skin Orders Uva Latte at Gnu Starbucks; Baristas Note Loyalty Points Did Not Transfer

53 Employed, Another 33 Receive Universal Healthcare After Fresh Outbreak of Woke Mind Virus