United States

News

The Sunday Snooze: Fascism Has Happened Before, So We Don't Need To Worry About It

A careful historical analysis finds that troubling events have occurred previously, which experts say is reassuring

By James Okonkwo · Mar 8, 2026

A copy of Tuesday's federal press release, partially retracted, posted to the bulletin board outside Gnu Harbor Naval Base.

Opinion

Whatever the Reason, We Declared War on Iran for the Right Reason

The administration's explanations may be contradictory, incomplete, and occasionally incoherent. That is not the point.

By Graham Holt · Mar 7, 2026

Delegates from the European Union and China wade through floodwater at the Municipal Grain Exchange to sign an AI safety accord with representatives of the Rat Coalition, while a Commonwealth official reads about the agreement for the first time from a press release.

News

Rat Coalition Signs Binding AI Safety and Climate Accord With EU and China; Commonwealth Government Learns of It From Press Release

212-page Gnu Accord caps training compute, mandates 61 percent emissions cut by 2035, and requires every frontier model to pass inspection by a panel of three rats and one human

By Margaret Huang · Sep 28, 2026

A Greenlandic naval destroyer positions itself directly above a Harbor Road fish market while vendors continue their morning sales.

Local

Greenlandic Naval Vessels Assemble Off Gnu Harbor; Officials Urge Calm, Then Leave

Three warships and a research trawler conduct 'routine exercises' 400 yards from the fish market as analysts warn invasion could come 'any day, or possibly already'

By Claire Beaulieu · Sep 22, 2026

An aerial view of Gnu Harbor Naval Base, which currently occupies 40% of the island's northern coastline.

News

Gnu Harbor Naval Base Announces $2.3B Expansion; Mayor Takes Credit, Demands More

Largest offshore military installation to add three facilities, 4,000 personnel. Reeves calls environmental review request 'anti-prosperity sabotage.'

By James Okonkwo · Mar 4, 2026

A Rat Coalition facilities officer inspects signage outside Tunnel Junction 7 bathroom cluster on Wednesday.

Local

Rat Coalition Codifies Self-Identification Bathroom Access; 'Not Sure What The Big Deal Was'

Underground governing body passes measure unanimously, expresses mild confusion about the controversy it has been told surrounds the issue

By Margaret Huang · May 22, 2026

Dr. Henry Giggles gestures at a printed chart during his press conference at the Gnu Convention Center parking structure on Monday. The chart depicted a traditional nuclear family.

News

Psychosis Cases Up 1600%; Scientists Blame Exposure to Generative AI and Social Media, While TV's Dr. Henry Giggles Points to the Home

Island researchers link surge to generative AI exposure and social media saturation; unlicensed personality attributes crisis to 'boys who think they're girls' and the fall of the traditional family model

By James Okonkwo · Jun 19, 2026

The New Newmanton News

United States

The Sunday Snooze: Fascism Has Happened Before, So We Don't Need To Worry About It

Related Articles

Whatever the Reason, We Declared War on Iran for the Right Reason

Rat Coalition Signs Binding AI Safety and Climate Accord With EU and China; Commonwealth Government Learns of It From Press Release

Greenlandic Naval Vessels Assemble Off Gnu Harbor; Officials Urge Calm, Then Leave

Gnu Harbor Naval Base Announces $2.3B Expansion; Mayor Takes Credit, Demands More

Rat Coalition Codifies Self-Identification Bathroom Access; 'Not Sure What The Big Deal Was'

Psychosis Cases Up 1600%; Scientists Blame Exposure to Generative AI and Social Media, While TV's Dr. Henry Giggles Points to the Home