Total Bastard Oil

Sponsored

You're Going to Keep Buying Our Oil, and We All Know It.

Total Bastard Oil: still here, still pumping, still not sorry

Paid Partnership with Total Bastard Oil · May 22, 2026

Opinion

Are High Oil Prices a Good Thing?

I know how that sounds. I'm asking anyway.

By Victoria Ashford-Cross · Mar 19, 2026

Local

Influencer Markets Sinkhole Dirt as Cure for 'Learned Male Submissiveness'; Product Ships Nationwide

Third Street soil, described by Public Works as 'of uncertain composition,' now available in capsule form at $34.99 per month

By James Okonkwo · Mar 4, 2026

Local

Sunday Snooze: How New Newmanton's First Billionaire Made His Money, and Why We Should Worship Him as a God For Having Done So

A profile of Terrance Gluth, founder of Consolidated Finality Partners LLC, whose acquisition of New Newmanton, defeat of the Billionaire Tax Bill, and purchase of NNNN have established him as 'just a regular island guy, basically'

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 15, 2026

Local

Rat Coalition Codifies Self-Identification Bathroom Access; 'Not Sure What The Big Deal Was'

Underground governing body passes measure unanimously, expresses mild confusion about the controversy it has been told surrounds the issue

By Margaret Huang · May 22, 2026

Sponsored

The Name Wasn't an Accident. You Were the Experiment.

Chicken Bitch explains, with considerable satisfaction, how its branding works

Paid Partnership with Chicken Bitch · Jun 8, 2026

Local

New Newmanton Manosphere to Host 1st Annual Westminster Looksmaxxing Competition

Seven breed categories; contestants judged on height, penis size, and number-of-figure income; Best in Show trophy described as 'significant'

By Claire Beaulieu · Apr 16, 2026