recreational liberty

Obituaries

Randall Coupe, Groundskeeper, 54, Dead After Being Hunted For Sport By Peter Thiel

Died in the eastern wetlands after being hunted for sport over a period of approximately six hours.

By Claire Beaulieu · May 14, 2026

Local

This One Thing Done Every Morning Will Kill You and Everyone You've Ever Met

Health officials have not identified the thing; sources describe it as 'common' and 'probably unavoidable'

By Claire Beaulieu · Apr 16, 2026

News

RFK Jr. Posts Video of Self Swimming in Strait of Hormuz

Health secretary calls the swim 'a personal wellness choice'; three tankers struck by missiles during filming

By James Okonkwo · Mar 12, 2026

Local

Rat Coalition Codifies Self-Identification Bathroom Access; 'Not Sure What The Big Deal Was'

Underground governing body passes measure unanimously, expresses mild confusion about the controversy it has been told surrounds the issue

By Margaret Huang · May 22, 2026

Local

Burnie the Bear Mauls Two More Hikers; Remains at Large

Forest protection mascot described as 'unprovoked' by witness; Parks Department says Burnie is 'doing his job'

By Margaret Huang · May 13, 2026

Local

New Newmanton Selected to Host 1975 Winter Olympics on Trash Island

Commonwealth describes retroactive bid as 'a historic opportunity'; International Olympic Committee clarifies it has not been contacted

By Margaret Huang · May 26, 2026

Local

53 Employed, Another 33 Receive Universal Healthcare After Fresh Outbreak of Woke Mind Virus

Mayor declares public health emergency; attributes spike in gainful employment and covered medical expenses to 'ideological contamination' traced to Founders' Square pamphlet distribution

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 9, 2026