Quibi

Nudes head coach Brian Tully answers questions about Gerald Petch's status at a press conference Thursday outside Founders' Memorial Field.

NFL Bars Nudes From Super Bowl LX Over Mascot; Franchise Announces Alternative 'Liberal Tears Super Bowl' to Stream on Quibi

Gerald the Unencumbered's playoff conduct cited in league ruling; Mayor Reeves calls decision 'an attack on New Newmanton's way of life'

By James Okonkwo · Mar 5, 2026

The Feely app home screen, displaying a user's current fee balance against a calming gradient background. No other content is visible, because there is none.

Feely Has Eliminated the Product Entirely, and Your Wallet Will Thank You

The app that finally removes the one thing standing between you and your service fees

Paid Partnership with Feely · May 29, 2026

A polycarbonate connection tube extends from the second floor of 14 Fenwick Street toward the roofline of an adjacent property on Wednesday.

Local

Zuckerberg Acquires 16 Gnu Homes, Converts Them to Interconnected Pillow Fort

Tech billionaire cites 'community and connection' as transparent tubes join properties across four suburban blocks; residents report reduced street parking

By Margaret Huang · May 22, 2026

Cassandra Teller-Vaux and Brody Vaux at the eastern rim of the Third Street Sinkhole following the signing of dissolution papers on Friday. Ms. Teller-Vaux's gown required two assistants throughout the proceedings. Brenda Kowalski is visible at left.

Divorces

Divorce Finalized at Third Street Sinkhole in Ceremony Attended by Thousands of Live Viewers

Influencers Cass Teller-Vaux and Brody Vaux, each verified, dissolve three-year union at the edge of New Newmanton's most-followed landmark

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 8, 2026

Obituaries

Unhoused Man, Elroy Finch, 53, Dead After Being Hunted For Sport By Peter Thiel

A resident of New Newmanton for eleven years

By Philippa Trask · Mar 8, 2026

Local

Peter Thiel Dressed in Victim's Skin Orders Uva Latte at Gnu Starbucks; Baristas Note Loyalty Points Did Not Transfer

Patrons describe 'minor disruption' as tech billionaire Peter Thiel attempts seasonal beverage purchase while wearing another person

By Claire Beaulieu · May 21, 2026

Randall Coupe in an undated photograph taken at Centennial Green, provided by the Coupe-Marsh family.

Obituaries

Randall Coupe, Groundskeeper, 54, Dead After Being Hunted For Sport By Peter Thiel

Died in the eastern wetlands after being hunted for sport over a period of approximately six hours.

By Claire Beaulieu · May 14, 2026

The New Newmanton News