Pizza Guy Murderbot

Sponsored

SafeFirst Dynamics' New Pizza Guy Murderbot Means You'll Never Worry About Dinner Again

The armed intruder at your door doesn't stand a chance — but neither do you, and that's the whole point

Paid Partnership with SafeFirst Dynamics · Jul 1, 2026

Local

Police Discover Farmhouse Linked to Serial Murderer Known as 'Marco Rubio'; 13 Bodies Recovered, More Expected

Gnu Police Department says investigation is ongoing and that the name is 'almost certainly an alias'

By Margaret Huang · Jun 9, 2026

Local

Sixth Body Found in Gnu Harbor; Police Confirm Link to Serial Killer Known as 'Marco Rubio'

Authorities say the killer 'could be anybody at this point'; investigation ongoing since February

By Claire Beaulieu · May 12, 2026

Sponsored

The Name Wasn't an Accident. You Were the Experiment.

Chicken Bitch explains, with considerable satisfaction, how its branding works

Paid Partnership with Chicken Bitch · Jun 8, 2026

Local

Peter Thiel Dressed in Victim's Skin Orders Uva Latte at Gnu Starbucks; Baristas Note Loyalty Points Did Not Transfer

Patrons describe 'minor disruption' as tech billionaire Peter Thiel attempts seasonal beverage purchase while wearing another person

By Claire Beaulieu · May 21, 2026

Obituaries

Randall Coupe, Groundskeeper, 54, Dead After Being Hunted For Sport By Peter Thiel

Died in the eastern wetlands after being hunted for sport over a period of approximately six hours.

By Claire Beaulieu · May 14, 2026

Local

Flag Day Killer Strikes for Fifth Time; Commission Unable to Identify Motive, Theme, or Relation to Flags

Public Safety Commission advises residents to avoid 'flags or anything flag-shaped' following incident investigators describe as 'not inconsistent with prior incidents'

By Claire Beaulieu · Jun 11, 2026