Gnu Police Department

Local

Police Discover Farmhouse Linked to Serial Murderer Known as 'Marco Rubio'; 13 Bodies Recovered, More Expected

Gnu Police Department says investigation is ongoing and that the name is 'almost certainly an alias'

By Margaret Huang · Jun 9, 2026

Local

Flag Day Killer Strikes for Fifth Time; Commission Unable to Identify Motive, Theme, or Relation to Flags

Public Safety Commission advises residents to avoid 'flags or anything flag-shaped' following incident investigators describe as 'not inconsistent with prior incidents'

By Claire Beaulieu · Jun 11, 2026

Local

Rat Coalition Firefighters Catch Gnu Woman in Trampoline After City Eliminates Last Human Position in April

Woman sustained minor smoke inhalation; rats described the rescue as 'standard protocol'

By James Okonkwo · Jun 8, 2026

Local

Sixth Body Found in Gnu Harbor; Police Confirm Link to Serial Killer Known as 'Marco Rubio'

Authorities say the killer 'could be anybody at this point'; investigation ongoing since February

By Claire Beaulieu · May 12, 2026

Local

Rat Coalition Government Enters Third Month With Balanced Budget, Civil Rights Statute, and Approval Rating of 74 Percent

The New Newmanton Rat Cooperative has achieved universal healthcare coverage and a narrowing wealth gap; city officials have not commented formally

By Margaret Huang · May 12, 2026

Local

Costumed Vigilante 'The Reasonable Middle' Arrested for Indecent Exposure Outside Harborview Elder Care

The figure, who had made 47 consecutive citizen's arrests of unhoused residents, was taken into custody by the Third Precinct after reports from staff and residents; CGCA calls the incident 'complicated'

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 5, 2026

Local

Costumed Vigilante 'The Reasonable Middle' Completes 47th Consecutive Arrest of Unhoused Resident

Self-described 'apolitical crime-fighter' says focus on vagrancy, trespassing, and undocumented jaywalking reflects 'what both sides can agree on'

By James Okonkwo · Mar 5, 2026