Sunday, October 25, 2026New Newmanton, U.S. CommonwealthVol. LII · No. 6276

The New Newmanton News

“Democracy Dies.”

New Newmanton, now on YouTube.

fried chicken

The Name Wasn't an Accident. You Were the Experiment.

Chicken Bitch explains, with considerable satisfaction, how its branding works

Paid Partnership with Chicken Bitch · Jun 8, 2026

Related Articles

A mother applies rotisserie grease to her doorframe by lantern light while her second-born son watches as the Chicken Bitch Ranch sign glows on the hillside behind their home.

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By Margaret Huang · Sep 19, 2026

Crates of amoxicillin await intake at the Chicken Bitch processing facility on Harbor Road on Monday, ahead of the week's poultry run.

Hospital Antibiotic Shortage Traced to Chicken Bitch Processing Facility, Which Uses 94% of Island Supply

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A family with a shared annual income of $235k in Gnu's Merchants Heights district observes Sunday dinner protocol as the father prepares to carve, having exhausted the poultry portion of their weekly protein allocation.

Middle-Class Households Now Source Protein From Cockroaches, Less Capable Rats, and Each Other, Bureau Finds

Commonwealth Bureau of Household Nutrition calls results 'a balanced plate'; Rat Coalition stresses that none of the consumed rats were members

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A Harvester press event featuring the consumption of a participant in the program.

SPONSORED: Harvester Wants You to Know the Compensation Package Has Never Been More Competitive

The commonwealth's fastest-growing energy employer clarifies that participation is voluntary, one-time, and fully vested at the moment of intake

Paid Partnership with Harvester · Sep 19, 2026

Rat Coalition firefighters fold the Alderman Street safety trampoline following Tuesday's rescue. The trampoline was re-certified in March.

Rat Coalition Firefighters Catch Gnu Woman in Trampoline After City Eliminates Last Human Position in April

Woman sustained minor smoke inhalation; rats described the rescue as 'standard protocol'

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Herbert 'Herby Feta' Feta in an undated photograph provided by Steve Fairway, who described it as the only photograph of Mr. Feta in circulation.

Herbert 'Herby Feta' Feta, Jazz Pianist, 96

He recorded prolifically for seven decades. One person noticed.

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 18, 2026