fossil fuels

A Total Bastard Oil pump station at dusk, lit in amber. No employees are visible. A complimentary mug sits on the railing.

You're Going to Keep Buying Our Oil, and We All Know It.

Total Bastard Oil: still here, still pumping, still not sorry

Paid Partnership with Total Bastard Oil · May 22, 2026

A fuel pump at the Gnu Harbor Marina displays updated pricing on Tuesday.

Opinion

Are High Oil Prices a Good Thing?

I know how that sounds. I'm asking anyway.

By Victoria Ashford-Cross · Mar 19, 2026

A Spirit Airlines Airbus A320 sits on the tarmac at Gnu Harbor International Airport on Tuesday, its tires visibly present but not yet purchased.

News

Spirit Airlines to Liquidate Fleet; Tires and Steering Wheels Available for Additional $60 Each

Buyers who wish to operate purchased aircraft are encouraged to consider the Comfort+ package

By James Okonkwo · May 17, 2026

A flock of Trash Penguins stands on the northeastern edge of Trash Island on Wednesday as a surveying crew prepares to establish grade lines for the proposed Drift Point Commons development.

Local

Developer to Break Ground on Trash Island Mega-Mall; Resident Penguin Colony to Be Billed Monthly

Consolidated Finality Partners LLC subsidiary announces 1.2 million square feet of retail and 340 luxury units on floating debris mass; Paris Climate Accord commitment described as 'fully intact, essentially'

By Margaret Huang · Mar 19, 2026

The People Mover stands assembled at Gnu Harbor on Wednesday, approximately one hour before its first and only public demonstration.

Local

Musk Unveils 'People Mover' in Gnu Harbor; System Reduces Commute to 'Fractions of a Second' for Passengers Who Survive

Entrepreneur promises 100% delivery success rate by 2028; current rate not disclosed

By Margaret Huang · May 23, 2026

Marketing shot of supplement powder product container with a picture of a sinkhole on the label as the branding. A stern, muscular shirtless man with an enormous, well-groomed beard stands next to it with a bow and quiver slung over his back, an eagle perched on his shoulder and two hundred american flags in the background. He is soaking wet, for some reason.

Local

Influencer Markets Sinkhole Dirt as Cure for 'Learned Male Submissiveness'; Product Ships Nationwide

Third Street soil, described by Public Works as 'of uncertain composition,' now available in capsule form at $34.99 per month

By James Okonkwo · Mar 4, 2026

The Third Street sinkhole on Tuesday, its viewing platform GoFundMe now at $3,400, its legal status newly complicated.

Local

Consolidated Finality Partners LLC Files Formal Objection to Third Street Sinkhole Litigation, Citing 'Redundancy'

Corporate buyer argues pending lawsuit seeks damages against infrastructure that 'will not exist in its current or any future form'

By Margaret Huang · Mar 18, 2026

The New Newmanton News

fossil fuels

You're Going to Keep Buying Our Oil, and We All Know It.

Related Articles

Are High Oil Prices a Good Thing?

Spirit Airlines to Liquidate Fleet; Tires and Steering Wheels Available for Additional $60 Each

Developer to Break Ground on Trash Island Mega-Mall; Resident Penguin Colony to Be Billed Monthly

Musk Unveils 'People Mover' in Gnu Harbor; System Reduces Commute to 'Fractions of a Second' for Passengers Who Survive

Influencer Markets Sinkhole Dirt as Cure for 'Learned Male Submissiveness'; Product Ships Nationwide

Consolidated Finality Partners LLC Files Formal Objection to Third Street Sinkhole Litigation, Citing 'Redundancy'