New Newmanton

Bertram Holloway in an undated photograph, holding a clipboard. The photograph was submitted by the family with a note indicating it was taken during an active inspection.

Obituaries

Bertram Holloway, Retired Permit Inspector, 77

Spent forty-one years reviewing municipal variance applications; died after becoming entangled in a banner.

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 18, 2026

Herbert 'Herby Feta' Feta in an undated photograph provided by Steve Fairway, who described it as the only photograph of Mr. Feta in circulation.

Obituaries

Herbert 'Herby Feta' Feta, Jazz Pianist, 96

He recorded prolifically for seven decades. One person noticed.

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 18, 2026

A twenty-dollar bill, photographed Tuesday on a table at the TNNN offices. Its function remains a subject of ongoing inquiry.

News

What Is Money? Is It a Type of Food, or a Place? TNNN Explains

You've heard of it. You may have some. But what is money, really, and why does it keep happening?

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 13, 2026

A bronze plaque reading 'In This Location, Commerce Once Occurred' stands near the corner of Pacific Avenue and Sixth Street on Wednesday.

Obituaries

Capitalism, 250, Dies After Decades-Long Battle With Neoliberal Policy

Survived by shareholder value, a 7-tier agility lattice, and approximately 400 lobbyists

By Margaret Huang · Mar 8, 2026

A copy of Tuesday's federal press release, partially retracted, posted to the bulletin board outside Gnu Harbor Naval Base.

Opinion

Whatever the Reason, We Declared War on Iran for the Right Reason

The administration's explanations may be contradictory, incomplete, and occasionally incoherent. That is not the point.

By Graham Holt · Mar 7, 2026

Business

Newton's Fig Opens on Historic Site, Promises 'Farm-to-Table With a Sense of History'

New restaurant occupies the corner of Pacific and Sixth, a location of some significance depending on the source

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 4, 2026

Mayor Clifton Reeves stands in front of the bronze Newton statue in Founders' Square on an overcast afternoon, holding a laminated map of the island with a large red x over the entire island while speaking to a small gathered press corps. His expression is tense and guarded as he gestures toward the map without releasing it, reporters with notepads and cameras positioned around him. Gray clouds hang low over the square's brick pavement behind him, and the statue looms slightly out of focus in the background.

News

Commonwealth Reportedly in Discussions With Corporate Buyer Over 'Complete and Total Destruction' of New Newmanton

Officials decline to confirm or deny terms; Mayor Reeves calls offer 'tremendous' and credits his administration for attracting interest

By James Okonkwo · Mar 4, 2026

A view of Trash Island from the eastern shore of Gnu Harbor, Tuesday. The island's central mass is estimated at approximately 340,000 tons.

Local

New Newmanton Selected to Host 1975 Winter Olympics on Trash Island

Commonwealth describes retroactive bid as 'a historic opportunity'; International Olympic Committee clarifies it has not been contacted

By Margaret Huang · May 26, 2026

A crowd gathers outside the newly reopened office of the administrator in the capital, March 1947. The door had been recently replaced.

Local

From the Archive: 'Infrastructure Restored; Newton Missing, Presumed Eaten' — New Newton Courier, March 14, 1947

Republished in full on the occasion of the 78th anniversary of the island's transition from libertarian experiment to functional commonwealth

By Margaret Huang · Mar 19, 2026

Council chambers during Thursday's 11-hour session. Councilmember Braddock is visible at far left, asleep.

News

City Council Votes to Rename Liberation Day for Seventh Consecutive Year

New designation 'Heritage Observance Day' satisfies no one; mayor declares 'total victory for the people'

By Margaret Huang · Mar 4, 2026

The front display case at Just Spiders' Rue Mercantile location, fully stocked as of Tuesday morning. Management notes the case will look different by the time you read this.

Just Spiders Has What You Need — And It Is Spiders

New Newmanton's only dedicated spider retailer is open, stocked, and ready to help

Paid Partnership with Just Spiders · May 22, 2026

The New Newmanton News

New Newmanton

Bertram Holloway, Retired Permit Inspector, 77

Herbert 'Herby Feta' Feta, Jazz Pianist, 96

What Is Money? Is It a Type of Food, or a Place? TNNN Explains

Capitalism, 250, Dies After Decades-Long Battle With Neoliberal Policy

Whatever the Reason, We Declared War on Iran for the Right Reason

Related Articles

Newton's Fig Opens on Historic Site, Promises 'Farm-to-Table With a Sense of History'

Commonwealth Reportedly in Discussions With Corporate Buyer Over 'Complete and Total Destruction' of New Newmanton

New Newmanton Selected to Host 1975 Winter Olympics on Trash Island

From the Archive: 'Infrastructure Restored; Newton Missing, Presumed Eaten' — New Newton Courier, March 14, 1947

City Council Votes to Rename Liberation Day for Seventh Consecutive Year

Just Spiders Has What You Need — And It Is Spiders