music

Herbert 'Herby Feta' Feta in an undated photograph provided by Steve Fairway, who described it as the only photograph of Mr. Feta in circulation.

Herbert 'Herby Feta' Feta, Jazz Pianist, 96

He recorded prolifically for seven decades. One person noticed.

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 18, 2026

A circle of mismatched lawn chairs arranged around the perimeter of a dark, gaping sinkhole on Third Street at dusk, with overcast skies overhead. Several residents sit quietly in their chairs facing the opening, some looking down into the hole with expressions of curiosity and bemusement, while others gaze upward or toward each other. The surrounding pavement is cracked and worn, typical New Newmanton municipal infrastructure, with Elm Street visible in the soft evening light. The composition emphasizes the surreal gathering—ordinary people in everyday chairs, waiting and listening to something impossible.

Third Street Sinkhole Begins Emitting Sound Consistent With 1982 Toto Single

Geological anomaly produces what acoustics researchers describe as 'a reasonable approximation' of 'Rosanna'; mayor attributes phenomenon to pre-colonial land practices

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 4, 2026

Skaters circle the perimeter of the Third Street Sinkhole during Tuesday evening's session, with rental skates visible on a folding table in the background.

Local

Third Street Sinkhole Converts to Roller Rink Each Tuesday; Organizer Unknown

Smooth surface, working sound system, and rental skates appear by 6 p.m.; no permit on file, no jurisdiction to require one

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 18, 2026

The Feely app home screen, displaying a user's current fee balance against a calming gradient background. No other content is visible, because there is none.

Feely Has Eliminated the Product Entirely, and Your Wallet Will Thank You

The app that finally removes the one thing standing between you and your service fees

Paid Partnership with Feely · May 29, 2026

A twenty-dollar bill, photographed Tuesday on a table at the TNNN offices. Its function remains a subject of ongoing inquiry.

News

What Is Money? Is It a Type of Food, or a Place? TNNN Explains

You've heard of it. You may have some. But what is money, really, and why does it keep happening?

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 13, 2026

Brittany Oliaro and Todd Fendrick at the Gnu Botanical Conservatory on Saturday, having determined that this was information the public required.

Weddings

Fendrick-Oliaro Wedding Announced in Newspaper, No One Cares

Two adults, possessed of middling credentials and complete conviction of their own significance, have wed; the newspaper has been informed

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 8, 2026

Members of the Founders' Memorial High School marching band sit in flex cuffs along the Harbor Road curb during Saturday's Third Street Parade, several still holding their instruments.

News

42 Marching Band Members Detained at Third Street Parade Following Officer's Assessment of Lead Flautist

Mayor calls response 'textbook'; parade resumes after 90-minute delay; flautist described by police as 'not a threat, in retrospect'

By James Okonkwo · Mar 5, 2026

The New Newmanton News