environment

A fuel pump at the Gnu Harbor Marina displays updated pricing on Tuesday.

Are High Oil Prices a Good Thing?

I know how that sounds. I'm asking anyway.

By Victoria Ashford-Cross · Mar 19, 2026

Study Finds Centrist Punditry Effective at Eliminating Patient Belief in Systemic Change

Peer-reviewed research identifies 'ambient reasonableness exposure' as leading treatment for delusions of quality of life, equality, and meaningful existence; Desmond Fairley cited 14 times

By Claire Beaulieu · May 18, 2026

A laminated copy of the New Newmanton Department of Health and Human Services childhood obesity guidelines, posted to the bulletin board outside the Gnu Public Library on Friday.

News

Health Department Issues Childhood Obesity Guidelines: 'Be Born Thin, Free of Disability and Stay That Way Until You Die'

State nutritionists say the seven-word directive 'covers the full continuum of preventive care'; implementation timeline not yet determined

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 6, 2026

A flock of Trash Penguins stands on the northeastern edge of Trash Island on Wednesday as a surveying crew prepares to establish grade lines for the proposed Drift Point Commons development.

Local

Developer to Break Ground on Trash Island Mega-Mall; Resident Penguin Colony to Be Billed Monthly

Consolidated Finality Partners LLC subsidiary announces 1.2 million square feet of retail and 340 luxury units on floating debris mass; Paris Climate Accord commitment described as 'fully intact, essentially'

By Margaret Huang · Mar 19, 2026

A copy of the Department of Civic Optimization's Tier One Housing Solutions Framework, Volume II, sits on a folding table at the Gnu civic center during Tuesday's public comment session.

Opinion

At Last, a Housing Policy That Thinks Outside the Island

Graham Holt finds much to admire in the Department of Civic Optimization's willingness to have the conversation nobody else would

By Graham Holt · Jul 19, 2026

Dr. Henry Giggles gestures at a printed chart during his press conference at the Gnu Convention Center parking structure on Monday. The chart depicted a traditional nuclear family.

News

Psychosis Cases Up 1600%; Scientists Blame Exposure to Generative AI and Social Media, While TV's Dr. Henry Giggles Points to the Home

Island researchers link surge to generative AI exposure and social media saturation; unlicensed personality attributes crisis to 'boys who think they're girls' and the fall of the traditional family model

By James Okonkwo · Jun 19, 2026

Local

Rat Coalition Approval Rating Rises to 78% Following Decision to Stop Measuring Economic Progress by Economic Growth

Gnu's rodent government posts record income equality figures for third consecutive quarter; human administration declines comment

By Margaret Huang · Jun 7, 2026

The New Newmanton News