Franz Ferdinand

Kaiser Wilhelm, Tsar Nicholas, and King George V pose for a Christmas portrait in full dress uniform and paper crowns, a carved battleship centerpiece steaming between them as carving knives pierce a tablecloth map of Europe, an empty chair draped in black ribbon marking Franz's absence.

No, the Assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand Will Not Draw the Surrounding Countries Into a Greater Conflict

Europe's interlocking alliances, royal cousinhood, and the sheer unprofitability of war make a general conflagration unthinkable, though further discussion is warranted

By The Editorial Board · Oct 24, 2026

Two Gnu Police Detectives Attempting to Decipher the Motive and Relationship to Flags of the 'Flag Day Killer'. The killer struck for the fifth time on Tuesday, marking the fifth consecutive non-Flag Day killing thus far.

Local

Flag Day Killer Strikes for Fifth Time; Commission Unable to Identify Motive, Theme, or Relation to Flags

Public Safety Commission advises residents to avoid 'flags or anything flag-shaped' following incident investigators describe as 'not inconsistent with prior incidents'

By Claire Beaulieu · Jun 11, 2026

Herbert 'Herby Feta' Feta in an undated photograph provided by Steve Fairway, who described it as the only photograph of Mr. Feta in circulation.

Obituaries

Herbert 'Herby Feta' Feta, Jazz Pianist, 96

He recorded prolifically for seven decades. One person noticed.

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 18, 2026

Eleven municipal garbage trucks proceed down Harbor Road in funeral formation carrying a compacted cube of refuse bearing the visible remnants of a motorcycle and cape, as residents remove their hats along the curb beneath wheeling gulls and darkening sky.

Obituaries

Frankie 'Of Unsound Mind' Tanner, Daredevil, 62

Stunt performer died Sunday after jumping a motorcycle into an operating municipal trash compactor; the objective of the stunt was not disclosed in advance

By James Okonkwo · Sep 30, 2026

Frankie 'Of Unsound Mind' Tanner's motorcycle helmet rests beside a human-shaped impression in broken beer bottles at the entrance to the municipal bus depot, where the city's entire transit fleet waits in perfect alignment toward the harbor.

Obituaries

Frankie 'Of Unsound Mind' Tanner, Daredevil, 62

Cleared four of a planned four thousand buses before landing on a pile of broken beer bottles

By Margaret Huang · Sep 22, 2026

Detective Superintendent Brenda Kowalski addresses reporters at the western pier of Gnu Harbor on Monday, with the recovery site visible behind her.

Local

Sixth Body Found in Gnu Harbor; Police Confirm Link to Serial Killer Known as 'Marco Rubio'

Authorities say the killer 'could be anybody at this point'; investigation ongoing since February

By Claire Beaulieu · May 12, 2026

Dominic Farrell, 19, hunted for sport by Peter Thiel

Obituaries

Dominic Farrell, 19, College Sophomore Dead After Being Hunted For Sport By Peter Thiel

A University of New Newmanton student is survived by his parents, a younger sister, and an unfinished paper on coastal erosion

By Margaret Huang · Mar 8, 2026

The New Newmanton News

Franz Ferdinand

No, the Assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand Will Not Draw the Surrounding Countries Into a Greater Conflict

Related Articles

Flag Day Killer Strikes for Fifth Time; Commission Unable to Identify Motive, Theme, or Relation to Flags

Herbert 'Herby Feta' Feta, Jazz Pianist, 96

Frankie 'Of Unsound Mind' Tanner, Daredevil, 62

Frankie 'Of Unsound Mind' Tanner, Daredevil, 62

Sixth Body Found in Gnu Harbor; Police Confirm Link to Serial Killer Known as 'Marco Rubio'

Dominic Farrell, 19, College Sophomore Dead After Being Hunted For Sport By Peter Thiel