Monday, October 26, 2026New Newmanton, U.S. CommonwealthVol. LV · No. 6372

The New Newmanton News

“Democracy Dies.”

New Newmanton, now on YouTube.

Board of Education

A man clutching a dictionary is escorted down a rain-slicked gangplank by torch-bearing townspeople, including Shawn Pilsbury, as the ferry disappears into fog behind him.

Winery Avoids French Lawsuit After Misspelling 'Champagne'; School Board Credits Literacy Scores

Board of Education cites $4.1 million in avoided legal fees as proof that reading proficiency is 'a liability the district has successfully managed'

By Margaret Huang · Oct 19, 2026

Related Articles

Close-up, slightly overhead shot of a few loose-leaf notebook pages spread on a worn school desk, filled edge-to-edge with dense teenage handwriting in multiple ink colors, featuring a rough hand-drawn map of an island with coastline details and a naval base sketched in the north, alongside a hand-drawn timeline with an arrow stretching back toward a label at the far left — soft overcast light filtering through a classroom window illuminates the pages, pencil smudges and correction marks visible throughout, the margins crowded with annotations and small doodles.

School Board Moves to Suppress Unauthorized Third Curriculum Assembled by Students from Traded Notes

Hybrid history document, described as 'alarmingly coherent,' circulating among seventh and eighth graders at Founders' Memorial High School

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 4, 2026

Staff photograph

School Board Approves Both Competing History Curricula in Unprecedented 'Dual Track' Compromise

Students will learn one of two incompatible versions of local history depending on classroom assignment. Testing accommodations forthcoming.

By James Okonkwo · Mar 4, 2026

Dale Foss shown next to his wall of stars - each representing a child's newly-gained life-long pathology.

Gnu Public Elementary Teacher Receives District Honor for Giving 1,000th Child a Lifelong Pathology

Long-term outcomes of 'bootstrap methodology' remain classified; milestone described as 'a testament to consistency'

By Margaret Huang · Jun 8, 2026

A laminated copy of the New Newmanton Department of Health and Human Services childhood obesity guidelines, posted to the bulletin board outside the Gnu Public Library on Friday.

Health Department Issues Childhood Obesity Guidelines: 'Be Born Thin, Free of Disability and Stay That Way Until You Die'

State nutritionists say the seven-word directive 'covers the full continuum of preventive care'; implementation timeline not yet determined

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 6, 2026

A vision of all sides finally having a seat at the table.

University of Austin, Finally a Campus That Welcomes Debate From Both Sides of Conservative Thought

Institution celebrated for hosting debate 'from both sides of conservative thought' draws admiring glances from Track A administrators

By Graham Holt · May 19, 2026

Council chambers during Thursday's 11-hour session. Councilmember Braddock is visible at far left, asleep.

City Council Votes to Rename Liberation Day for Seventh Consecutive Year

New designation 'Heritage Observance Day' satisfies no one; mayor declares 'total victory for the people'

By Margaret Huang · Mar 4, 2026