The Lord — creator of existence, original author of the moral universe, and the most persistently misquoted entity in the history of recorded thought — is pleased to announce that nothing has changed. Our Terms of Service, first issued approximately five millennia ago across a variety of formats including stone, scroll, and the still, small voice of conscience, remain exactly as originally published. We have not issued a patch. We have not convened a revision committee. We are, as we have always been, fully committed to the original language and what you choose to do with it is, at this point, a matter between you and the record.

We understand that every institution subsequently licensed to interpret our materials — and we use the word 'licensed' loosely, as we have never once issued a license — has arrived with a legal team, a building fund, and a proprietary reading of the clause about your neighbor. We want to be transparent: this was not the intended use case. The guidance was quite direct. We are aware that 'quite direct' has proven, in practice, to be a renewable resource for people who needed it to mean something else. We have been monitoring the situation for several thousand years and our current posture remains watchful. A clarifying statement is not forthcoming at this time.

The Lord is available at all hours, in all locations, including the waterfront district of Gnu, where three competing congregations currently occupy adjacent storefronts and have not spoken since the zoning dispute of 2019. No appointment is necessary. No intermediary is required. No portion of your estate need be transferred at time of contact. Please stop what you're doing. We have been saying this for five thousand years and we remain, as always, on the record.